


Reassurance

by DisasterLesbean



Category: The L Word: Generation Q
Genre: Established Relationship, F/F, Multi, Polyamory, after episode 4
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-31
Updated: 2019-12-31
Packaged: 2021-02-27 14:22:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,008
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22058488
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DisasterLesbean/pseuds/DisasterLesbean
Summary: She just hated being left out, isolated on an island away from them. She could feel the distance, the way their history walled her off. Their familiarity allowed their friendship, their relationship, to be easily picked up. She felt left behind again.She isn’t isolated now.
Relationships: Alice Pieszecki/Gigi, Alice Pieszecki/Natalie Bailey, Alice Pieszecki/Natalie Bailey/Gigi, Natalie Bailey/Gigi
Comments: 8
Kudos: 87





	Reassurance

**Author's Note:**

> i just wanted to write something for them before the show destroys them

She knows that maybe she should have recoiled. She should have demanded that Nat stopped looking at Gigi like she was. It’s what most people would have done. Alice has never tried to be like everyone else, she’s never been anyone less than herself.

She understands it because she feels it too. As much as she’s intimidated by Gigi, she feels the pull. It doesn’t take a genius to see how beautiful Gigi is, she sees how much she meant to Nat. Still means to her. 

She isn’t surprised.

She saw it coming as soon as they grew closer, at her own insistence. She doesn’t mind it. She thrives in it. Part of her longed for it. When Shane and Bette brought her the picture and it was all of them, something started growing within Alice.

She just hated being left out, isolated on an island away from them. She could feel the distance, the way their history walled her off. Their familiarity allowed their friendship, their relationship, to be easily picked up. She felt left behind again.

She isn’t isolated now.

She knows it might be selfish. She’s okay as long as they see her, include her, touch her. Considering Nat is supposed to be her partner, it might not be all that selfish. 

Still, it’s hard for her to communicate to them exactly how she feels. 

“Have you seen my makeup bag?” Gigi walks back into the bedroom. She looks around quickly, a hint of urgency. She’s the only one of the three even functioning at this moment.

“No.” Nat grumbles into her pillow, not ready to face the day yet.

Alice jostles Nat who only groans louder in protest. “For someone who talks her head off about eye contact and recognition when someone is speaking, you’re a terrible listener.” Alice pokes Nat’s rib and she squirms away. A soft look passes over Gigi’s face before the quiet panic returns. “Have you tried the shower?”

“Why would it be in the shower?”

“We run out of space on the counter sometimes, it’s called improv.” Alice answers, waiting until she sees Gigi grab the bag before she collapses back into the sheets.

“We should probably talk about her moving in.” Nat says quiet enough that only Alice can hear her.

“Are you ready for that?” Alice asks her, lulled by Gigi’s hums from the bathroom.

“Are you?” Nat says pointedly.

“Don’t try that on me, I asked first. You’re the one with the history.”

“Yeah but you’re my girlfriend.”

“Isn’t she yours too?” 

Nat turns her head, cheek squished against the pillow. She gives Alice an incredulous look. “Okay, you’re being too okay with this. Talk to me.”

That’s fair, Alice has to admit. They’ve been doing whatever it is they’ve been doing for months now but they haven’t really talked about it. Not directly at least.

“Gigi! Nat wants to have a relationship talk and we should all be here for it.”

“You two aren’t even awake and you want to have a relationship talk?”

“I don’t. I’m more than happy to go back to bed and then cleanse the possibility of this talk from my system with kombucha.”

“Hence why we need to have the discussion. Communication is healthy.” Nat sits up, deciding it's time to be awake. Alice isn’t under those constraints and refuses to be awake yet. 

“We should put a therapist speak jar next to the curse jar.” Alice says.

“What do you both want from this?” Nat asks. Gigi and Alice look at each other, frozen as they wait for the other. “I want to pursue this, I want to see where it goes. I think we can make it work.” Nat offers when they don’t speak.

“I want this too.” Gigi agrees.

“Me too.”

“So, we’re girlfriends? All three of us?”Alice laughs at Nat’s wording, the ridiculousness of it all. Here’s Alice, a middle aged woman with a successful show, having the awkward ‘what are we’ talk. Two people who’re ex-wives are stumbling over whether they’re girlfriends. The whole situation is too much.

“How do you feel about all this?” Gigi asks Alice. Alice stops laughing, usually Gigi doesn’t ask much of her. That’s Nat. Nat’s always asking the both of them everything. 

“I have two girlfriends, life’s looking good.”

Now Gigi and Nat are exchanging knowing looks. “Look, Alice, we all have our baggage.” Gigi assures her.

“I’ll have difficulty trusting Gigi with not cheating again.” Nat offers.

“I’m going to struggle with the fear of losing my family.”

“It’s going to come between Gigi and I but it’s also going to affect you, that’s how this relationship is going to go.”

“Why are you two so obsessed with my answer?” Alice hears the defensive tone but she can’t stop it.

“That first week I was honestly expecting you to break your face from the weight of your fake smiles.” Gigi says.

“It’s like...you were happy but not. I don’t know. I’ve never really seen you like that. You were jealous before Shane’s party, then pretended not to be after.”

“I wasn’t pretending!” Alice protests.

“That’s why we don’t want to guess at what your thinking or feeling, we’re asking you to share with us.”

How is Alice supposed to explain it all to them without rambling? Without dragging up things that shouldn’t be dragged up? Nat knows more about her past relationships than Gigi but even Nat doesn’t know it all. She doesn’t know what makes Alice’s fear and hope spike with an equal devastation. 

Alice laughs awkwardly and something settles between Gigi and Nat. Nat’s face slackens as the tension drains and Gigi’s shoulders relax. “You know how gay relationships are. They’re messy and dramatic. I mean of course you know. Our door still has the hole in it after all, huh?” Another awkward laugh forces itself out, Gigi’s lips thin at the reminder of that night. Nat looks amused but worried.

It brings her back to the crux of the issue, the thing that’s been crashing around her head since she called Gigi over to them.

How can she communicate it all? Will they even want to hear it? They must want to if they’re here and asking. 

“I love Dana, you know?” Present tense, always present tense. It doesn’t matter how long it’s been, how many people she’ll love in her life, a part of her heart will always be just Dana’s. Nat looks somber and reaches a hand out towards Alice, knowing most of the story. Gigi knows Dana was a friend of Alice’s group, saw the pictures at the party, she knows she’s dead, but she doesn’t know it all. “I mean, I’ll always love her. She taught me love, she was my first. Losing her..it also taught me something. Never let your chances go by, never let love go.” It’s not like she let Dana go, she clawed and crawled every inch of the way. “She still cheated on me, though.” Alice swallows, hating that she’s saying the words at all. Hearing anyone say anything bad about Dana always makes her defensive, even if it’s herself.

“I’m sorry.” Alice isn’t sure if Gigi is apologizing for Dana’s death, her infidelity, or Gigi’s own cheating.

“I went kind of crazy after. I told her cheating wasn’t something I could deal with and then. Well. I got too clingy too quick, that’s kind of my thing. I get serious quick and then I get possessive. She reacted by getting back with her ex.” 

“That’s not-”

“I know.” Alice placates them, keeping an ear out for the kids. “Then she died and...god this is old news.” Alice breathes out, trying to backpedal even though she knows they won’t let her. She just doesn’t know how to even begin explaining how much losing Dana hurt. It’s not something most people can understand, so she decides not to elaborate. “Then there was Tasha. She got discharged for being with me, actually. Well, being a lesbian but they found out because of me. I loved her but we weren’t the best match. We fought more often than not, rarely saw eye to eye. We still loved each other. Then we met Jamie. She was...I thought it would be like this.” Alice admits.

She did, for a moment. She could almost envision it. It didn’t happen.

She didn’t get what she has Nat and Gigi with Tasha and Jamie. 

Nat’s soft look when Alice struggles at anything parental. Gigi’s smug corrections that Alice can’t be upset about. The way they all fit. Each of them having a different edge to fit one another. 

That wasn’t Tasha and Jamie.

“Jamie ended up having a preference and Tasha shared that preference.” 

“That’s not what that is.” Gig cuts in, not willing to let Alice continue. “That’s really shitty of them but it’s not us. I’m not here to get back together with Nat, I’m here to start something with both of you.”

Nat nods along, kissing Alice’s knuckles. “I know there’s some uneven ground in this relationship. There’s ex-wife issues between your two girlfriends. It can cause feelings of a power imbalance but I need you to know that’s not either of our intentions. We all have our own unique relationships one on one and our relationship all together but by no means does that mean there’s a preference or mean we’ll run out on you.” 

Alice is quiet as they digest the words. “What happened between Tasha and you? She left?”

“It’s complicated. She came back for a bit after Jenny died.” Alice is careful not to choke on the last part. Too many nights have been spent ruminating on that night. She still can’t stomach the smell of chlorine. “She left again.”

“I’m having to catch up since I’m just learning this all now, so let me get this clear. Dana, your first real love, cheated on you and then died shortly after. You almost had a poly relationship with Tasha and Jamie but then they cut you out, only for Tasha to return when a close friend died and then left you again.” 

“Pretty much.”

“Only in LA.” Gigi sighs.

“So, what is it exactly you’re feeling? What do you want with all this in mind?” Nat redirects them.

She needs them to understand. She isn’t a casual person and she’s definitely not a casual girlfriend. They both know that in some part but they aren’t accounting for all of her intense qualities. They’re involving her in their children’s lives, they’re practically all living together. She knows it’s a serious relationship. She is the kind of person who needs constant reminders. She is possessive, something she’s tried working on over the years. She meddles, the fact that Nat and Gigi are even talking again proves that. 

She needs to be comforted. It is not even close to a want. It’s not like how some girls like romantic gestures, it’s the life blood of her relationships. It’s like a basic needs. Hunger, shelter, the reassurance of her girlfriends. She’s a confident person and she knows her own strengths, it only goes that she also knows her weaknesses. 

“I need you both.” She hopes that they understand, they hear it all. 

“Good, because you’re not getting rid of me now.” Gigi smiles at her, taking both Nat’s hand and hers.

“Just wait until she’s hammering on your door in the middle of the night.” Nat rolls her eyes at them. 

“Eh, what’s love if it doesn’t make you a little crazy?”

“There’s two of them.” Nat winces. 

“I’m late for work.” Gigi mutters under her breath, looking at the time on her phone.

“Call out, say there was a family emergency. We can take the kids to the park.” Alice says.

Gigi hesitates but eventually stands, thumbing through her contacts for her boss. “That sounds good.”

Nat leans against Alice’s legs, looking up at her. “Family day?”

Alice leans down, kissing Nat’s forehead. “Family day.”


End file.
